Motivation.

After starting this year motivated and having some good early success, I am having a really, really hard time getting back on the horse.  I feel like I am letting the side down more than a little bit, and I am having a hard time bucking some bad habits that I picked up in the two weeks before the challenge started, that were then reinforced as I spent the bulk of September sick and lazy as could be.  On the plus side, I walked my first 5k the other day, and training will resume Monday come hell or high water for the Turkey Trot in November, and beyond that for the 1/2 marathon in May.

I have to do this.  Not just to beat the challenge, not just for the people in my life that see me daily and offer up support, and not just for me.  A lot of it is for me though.  I need to prove to myself that I am still tough enough to accomplish difficult challenges.  I also feel like I need to reward those people supporting me by showing them that I care enough about what they have to say to listen and do my best to reward their support.  I want to be able to look back on this challenge and not marvel at the weight loss (which, in fairness, will be something to marvel at from my perspective) but to just have the feeling of satisfaction that I took on a tough challenge and whipped it's ass.

So, I am not reporting this from the standpoint that I am throwing a pity party for myself.  Far from that, in fact.  It's a roadblock, but I will find my way around it.  I made the challenge tougher over the long run, but certainly not unbeatable.  So, gym attendance resumes Monday.  Cardio (running and biking as my bike is at work now) resumes Monday.  Swearing off of sugar (which I haven't been going hog wild with, but have slipped up on) resumes right now.  Excuses stop now. 

One final note about motivation.  For me, it's a hard thing to come by.  Death, money, material rewards, pain, pleasure; none of it really motivates me over the long term.  Surprisingly, what does motivate me are little unexpected things.  A simple word from an otherwise distant co-worker.  A kind and unexpected message from a friend.  These little platitudes, given sincerely and without any particular thought ultimately mean more to me than anything else does.  More to the point, they motivate me more than anything else does, and past motivating me to lose weight, they have motivated me to be a little nicer to people.  Maybe I backslid on my weight loss goal this month, but I made progress as a person, and thats worth something too.

Still about 98% Barbarian though.